Empathy Means Getting in the Well

This updated blog was originally posted on April 25, 2016.

Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.
Read Bill Moore's Thoughts on Empathy Getting in the Well with other peopleSome time ago, I participated in leadership training with a group of CEOs led by Dr. John Townsend. We learned of a key concept known as “getting in the well.” When a person falls into a deep well and cannot escape, the last thing needed is a person standing at the top, yelling down to them that everything will be okay. They don’t need to hear Bible verses or be told that positive thinking will save them. What is needed in that situation is for someone to get down in the well with them. They need a hug, an assurance you feel the cold, see the dark, and feel their terror of the depth. It’s in this empathy that they will open up to your external help out of the deep.

Sometimes People Need Empathy, not Solutions

As spouses, parents, friends, and leaders, we often begin with telling people what they must do to escape their well before we get into the well with them. This “fixing it first” mentality makes people feel as if you don’t understand their situation, creates resentment towards your attempts to solve their problems, and often causes them to completely ignore your offered solutions.

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empathy blog bill mooreTownsend makes us practice this attunement to others’ feelings through role play, asking what they are feeling and then empathizing with those feelings. We must allow ourselves to enter into the difficult or joyful feelings with another. People know that you have emotionally connected with them upon hearing things such as “I feel how bad that hurts” or “I am loving this feeling of joy you are in right now.” We should refrain from problem-solving until the person asks for it and instead, focus on being present in those emotions alongside them.

I have found that I am not naturally gifted at this relational skill. I must continuously practice this and ask for forgiveness often for resorting to my natural instinct of problem-solving before empathizing. The times in which I have succeeded have been endearing and rewarding moments when the person I was with felt loved and heard. For example, when my wife’s grandmother died, I found it much easier to hold my wife and cry with her instead of quoting comforting Bible passages to her against the fear of death. I really felt like I met her need and she affirmed my behavior. Our PacMoore family is working hard to find new ways to passionately grow our people so that we can be exceptional at feeding the world. We are learning to get into each other’s well. This fuels us to serve our customers with excellence in extrusion, blending, spray drying, and more.

To learn more about what we do and why we do it, contact PacMoore today.

Contact PacMoore

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Bill Moore

CEO

After graduating from the University of Wisconsin with a B.S. in chemical engineering, Bill became a product development engineer for Procter & Gamble in 1985. After the unexpected death of his stepfather, Bill left P&G to lead his stepfather’s company, George Meyer Company. He developed a functional ability to process recycled starch products, while also recognizing a need by many companies in the food industry for a trusted and capable contract manufacturing partner. Over the last 20 years Bill has evolved the company to meet this need by providing packaging, blending, spray drying, and extrusion.